Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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