I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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