I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
third nipple confirmed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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