I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
