I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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