I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
