I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
