can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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