Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
