Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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