Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
