6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
