I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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