remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
