i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
