Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
