Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
