I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
