She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
