like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
