I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
