i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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