Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize