Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
