you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Your cock deserves a montage
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
