you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
