I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
