I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
