carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
