took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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