my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
