I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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