Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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