moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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