I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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