If i come over, it means nothing
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
