Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
