is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
