Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
