Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
