Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
