I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
