I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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