i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
