I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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