you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
