I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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