Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
