You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
