So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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