I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
