JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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