And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
