3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
