I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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