bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
