Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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