come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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