he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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