When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I understand Curling. That high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
