If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
