Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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