He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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