Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
