11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
