I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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