you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize