Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize