so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
