I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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