It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
