Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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