It's like a parade of train wrecks.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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