and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize