is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
