I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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