just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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