i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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