My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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