and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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