Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize