you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
