We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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