What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
