My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize