idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
