Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
