Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
