party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
