i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
