Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
