Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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